


Meddle, Bug, Fuss and Bother

by anonymousartist (subzeroshivering)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Doomed Timeline, F/F, F/M, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Kismesissitude
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-06-06 01:48:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6733048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subzeroshivering/pseuds/anonymousartist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the first time in her life Kanaya feels stranded in the very desert that's protected her for so long. Her growing pains and, growing affections cause her to leave her sheltered home and seek out civilization. In a world of strangers her relationships with others might save her life and, more importantly, her future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lousy stupid goddamn supportive friend

**Author's Note:**

> Hoo boy,  
> I've been working on this since I was about 14. Needless to say, my writing style has much improved since then.  
> Its a story about teens growing up, trying to make sense of things, each other, and their feelings. I mostly just wanted to see what kind of interesting relationships an auspisticism could conjure.

The daylight fades as Kanaya wearily drags herself back to her hive. Every step a battle, she trudges through the sand, leaves and twigs jutting into all of the soft curves her body has to offer. The setting sun casts a glare on the horizon as, dirty and exhausted she drags herself through the door barely remembering to twist the lipstick cap before she enters. Outside her Lusus hums a greeting, to assure her of her safety. In spite of her tired muscles and sweat soaked garments her mind is on other things. She feels a blush rise warmly on the surface of her cool skin, a comfortable illness settling over her. She hurries to ready herself, pausing to deliberate over lipstick color. Then, chiding her brain into an uneasy nonchalance “You Look Fine.” She tells herself sharply, not that it matters anyway. Eventually she settles in front of her extremely modern husktop (a gift from a certain skilled friend) and, though anticipation grows in her stomach, she struggles to pretend that she cares very little about this interaction. Checking a few of her favorite topiary websites and, a couple of out of the way activism blogs to keep herself busy. Finally, the little blue icon pops up on her illumination plato-she means husktop screen. She’s been trying to speak more like a highblood on account of her new....Situation, but, obviously this isn't going very well. Sighing, she initiates the much anticipated conversation, reluctantly (it would be nice to be the one to snub her for an extra few minutes for once, in mock forgetfulness)  
After her usual overstated pause Vriska responds.  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]  
GA: Are You Awake Yet?  
GA: It Would Be Good Manners To Respond In A Timely Fashion  
GA: Just To Clarify I Was Asking To Be Polite You're Obviously Ignoring me  
AG: Ugh You’re soooooooo perceptive aren't you?  
AG: What the fuck do you want  
GA: If You Recall This Is A Prearranged Chat, Which You Arranged  
GA: I Can Only Wait To Hear What Kind Of Interesting Tales You Have To Conjure Or What Manner Of Problem Urges You To Seek My Counsel  
AG: Dork  
GA:Let Me Rephrase That  
GA:What The Fuck Do You want?  
AG: Jeez Maryam you need to lay off some of that sun clearly, it’s more harmful than you think.  
AG: Lets cut to the chase okay?  
GA:Okay  
She leans forward curiously, despite all of Vriska's teasing and meanness she detects a rare hint of chagrin hidden somewhere in her carefully fortified words. Vriska is complicated, Kanaya can never really understand her even after sweeps and sweeps of knowing one another. But, she has learned to detect certain changes in tone which distinguish her various emotions. Despite her curiosity Kanaya feels a warm rush somewhere deep in her food cavity at having solved this little riddle.  
Trying not to seem to eager she forces her hands steady as she types.  
GA:What Is It?  
AG: Auggggggggh I might not even tell you if you keep pestering like that  
(there’s the faintest hint of humor)  
AG: You got anything in those magic clouds of yours for me? ‘cause I think I’m gonna need all the vague magic cloud prophecies I can get.  
GA: Even Though You’ve Got So Many Oracles You Need To Break Them To Keep Population Control?  
GA: This Must Be Some Predicament  
AG: In case it wasn't clear; he’s after my impecca8le ass again.  
GA: It Certainly Didn’t Take Him Too Long  
AG: You 8et your 8uns it didn't.  
Even my social prowess won't save me from that douce8ag ::::/  
AG: I 8roke up with him a week ago but he hasn't taken the hint.  
AG: He’s still flirting with m8!!!!!!!!  
AG: So, last night I tried to get him to f8ck off by sinking his entire fleet.  
AG: You can't im8gine how easy it was even without TZ, I mean seriously, I cant 8elieve I thought he was a catch.  
AG: But once I s8nk his fleet he actually tried to k8ll me!!!!!!!  
GA: :0  
GA: Are You Sure That That’s What He Was Attempting To Do, It’s A Quite Serious Offense To Try To Kill Your Kismesis  
AG: Well, may8e he was trying to maim me 8ut still!  
He even shot his legendary piece of shit in my direction, like he might 8ctually hit me!  
AG:8nd I told you we’re over. >::::(  
GA: Are You Confident That You Were Unharmed? Perhaps He Was Trying To Make You Believe That He Was Trying To Maim You To Some Other End?  
AG: Holy shit Maryam  
AG: And you’re always teasing me a8out conspiracies? Even Terezi isn't that good  
and I think we’ve esta8lished that he’s not the 8rightest fluorescent tu8e in the container.  
GA: I See, So I Assume That As A Result Of His Actions You Have Cut Off Ties With Him?  
AG:Duhhhh  
GA: Are You Sure That You Dont Have Any, Um Abhoramor left for him? He Was Your Quadrantmate For An Extensive Amount Of Time, I Think He Even Stuck Around Longer than Terezi  
AG: Oh please, I am way over that cump8ucket  
AG: 8h and by the w8y,that counts as meddling, its no w8nder everyone thinks we’re palep8ls

She turns as green as one of her many well trimmed hedges. She had always been under the impression that something like that might be already applicable to them. And, had been resigned to the idea that she would never actually have a say in it when the time came. she always figured that when Vriska was about to do something completely inordinately dangerous and, possibly lethal the others would really on her inexperienced papping abilities.  
She immediately feels pleasure mixing with relief bubbling up inside her. Allowing herself a moment of peace before responding, basking in the glow of the computer screen she feels as if it were the soft buttery light of redemption. But, the idea that she might have to experience such a lonely fate still lingers becoming stronger as seconds tick by. What if this is one of Vriska's many mind games? Perhaps, to evoke pity? Maybe the others would expect her to calm and care for Vriska anyway, and she would never get rid of the guilty feeling she held in her mind whenever she and Vriska would talk about quadrants. Or, when their conversations started to get perilously close to a feelings jam. There’s a feeling of wrongness that can not be erased, like a quiet voice telling her that she has an important job to do. That, her place had always been more calm than passion, and chastising her for her thoughts which, in these moments, always grow clearer and more direct, like amber crystallizing.  
The images of holding her, rubbing her horns, kissing... she blinks realizing that all these thoughts have distracted her from the conversation. Hastening, so as not to be rude, and blushing furiously all the while she types out a quick message.

AG: I’m way too slick f8r th8t shit  
GA: Well, If My “meddling” Bothers You Maybe You Should Try Telling Karkat Or One Of The Others About Your Situation, I’m Sure He’d Be More Than Happy To Orchestrate Your Next Kismesitude.  
AG: Oh my g8d Kanaya, I c8n never tell if your joking. I mean I get that y8u two are tight and all.  
AG:8ut that guy has no idea what he’s talking a8out. He thinks watching r8m coms makes him the he8d authority on every quadr8nt.  
AG: Has he ever filled a quadrant? He’s pro8a8ly never even seen a rumple sphere.  
GA: Neither Have I, Except My Own Of Course.  
AG: Yeah 8ut, you’ve never seen another living troll.  
AG: 8esides, you don’t let those shitty romance novels you like to read affect your real life judgements.  
She abruptly realizes she must look something like a 12 pedigrees prickle shrub at this point with all the color in her face.  
GA: I Suppose He Can Be A Little Bit Too Literal When It Comes To His Interests.  
GA: He Has Always Taken Romance Very Seriously Though And, I’ve Always Found His Advice Comforting If Not Very Helpful  
AG: Whatever, I mean, I guess it’s your 8usiness if you're comforted by a loudmouthed moron 8lathering a8out his favorite rom coms for hours on end  
AG:8ut its not my thing.  
AG:w8 a minute, idk why  
AG: 8ut im getting the feeling you’re wearing something ridiculously fancy right now  
GA: What A Strange Notion. I Assure You I’m Wearing Nothing Of The Sort  
Kanaya is suddenly very glad that Vriska no longer posses her magic cueball.  
AG:Allllllll right whatever you say miss fancyfangs.  
AG: 8ut, if you were wearing something fancy I’d pro8a8ly tell you you’d need more than just your ridiculously stylish finery to convince me to get relationship advice from a screaming wiggler.  
GA: I Wouldn't Dream Of Forcing You To Take Advice From Karkat Through Any Type Of Ploy  
That Seems To Be More Your Style  
GA: I Only Meddle, Remember?  
AG: Spe8king of your dreams, I’m still l8cking sufficiently cryptic and frustr8ing information on future events. Did you forget your s8le reason for existence? Or, do you have unfathoma8le life advice for me?  
GA: I’d Almost Forgotten Your Deep Passion For My Little Anecdotes  
GA: I Haven’t Had Very Much Sleep Lately However So I’m Afraid I Could’nt Tell You  
AG: oh c8me on, I’m almost disappointed that you’re n8t running your mouth at me about stuff that hasn't happened yet.  
AG: 8nly so that when it does I can get that sweet, sweet, m8ddening, tingling sensation in the 8ack of my cognesencense lo8e that says you were right ag8in.  
AG: L8y it on me wh8t kind of misery do I have to get through t8day?

For a moment her aggressiveness comes as a surprise to Kanaya. Her eyes dart around the blue text like bees gathering the nectar of unspoken aggressions, vainly searching for the reason behind this outburst. She wonders dimly what went wrong. Surely, they were having a really pleasant conversation (by Vriska’s standards) until now? A vague notion at the back of her brain tells her the real reason for her crushes’ outburst but she ignores it. It’s probably just her casts natural penchant for violence. The nagging persists, as she ponders the recent frequency of her hissyfit. 

GA: Um You Appear To Be Acting Strangely Unreasonable Yet Again So I’ll Just Leave You To Your Prophecy Related Tantrum  
AG: w8  
GA: What?  
AG: I was just kidding with y8u k8naya, jeez why do y8u have to 8e sooooooooo liter8l?  
GA: I Wasn't-  
AG: Oh, it looks like she’s hungry ag8in so I gtg.  
GA: But-  
AG: You’re sooooooo lucky to h8ve an easy lusus,I’d k8ll f8r a lusus that easy t8 handle.  
AG: Oops, I’d 8etter go before you can start 8eing condescending a8out the killing thing again. I kn8w, I kn8w my life stye is “Morally Unsound” right?  
GA:I Never Said-  
AG:Ugh, She’s staring to 8re8k shit.  
arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] arachnidsGrip [AG]  
GA:????????  
Sitting back from the glow of her husktop she ponders this new mystery. Why would Vriska choose such a bizarre moment to log out? Could it be that she was flustered? Why? 

Her thoughts drift to her aching legs and she realizes just how long she’s been sitting. She stretches, her whole body sore from the hard labor of topiary, combined with hours sitting on her loafing fundament. Rubbing her tender rear she starts to shed her good dress for more comfortable sleepwear. Ignoring the stiffness in her legs as she stands, stumbling without a hint of her usual grace toward her suspended dormancy sack. Suspended in the warm green slime, which coats her body, she still cannot touch on the reason for Vriska's sudden meanness. Was it something she said that hit a sore spot? Did Vriska find out about her unethical methods of keeping her in check? Sleepy thoughts invade the serious focus of her dilemma, ransacking her sentient ideas. With one last effort to discover Vriska's motive, she promises herself that she will talk to Karkat about this.....later. With this done she sinks into the slime the world goes dark green for a moment before fading to black. Then, like the sun coming up on the horizon a golden glow lights her thinkpan, scattering the dark heaviness of undreaming sleep. While her body rests contentedly her mind wanders the golden streets of a far away moon.


	2. A Dangerous Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vriska contemplates her shitty life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's definitely more text heavy. If I'm missing something editing wise please let me know. I have mild Dysgraphia so editing can be tricky.

"Augggh"  
Vriska sits up her mind packed with a cloud of embarrassed, angry thoughts, her head filled with an irritable buzzing.  
Why had she gone and done that? She’s always been so impulsive, and telling her about Eridan first? It’s like she’s begging to shuffled into some sappy, silly moirelegence with her. Like she needs one of those anyway. Why does everyone think that she has to be handled? Fuming quietly, her fingers absently search her desk for something to break. With a skittering motion, like her favorite animals eight long legs. Inside her thoughts are boiling, their itching fervor picking away at her brain. Kanaya fills her mind with all her lusus like protectiveness and sense of pretentious elegance. This combined with her tasteful outfitry, as if she needs that kind of thing to look appealing. Vriska’s face runs a cold icy blue as she finds a nearby 8-ball, crushing it in one practiced, movement. Bits of glitter and shitty plastic fly everywhere, slicing her skin in places. The thick blue callouses on her good hand however, remain impervious to the motion. Lost in thought about all the embarrassing shit she just said, she hits upon the thought that maybe her friend didn't notice the out of place behavior. But, immediately casts it aside, a broken thing. Kanaya has always been perceptive, she’ll give her that. So preoccupied, Vriska hardly notices the rumbling which has begun to shake the very foundation of her Hive. Its low, irritable warning, like a platequake it spreads quickly throughout the room. Almost seeming to roam, like a great beast. Only sweeps of intense practice allow Vriska to continue ignoring her guardians anger, before which, even most high blooded trolls would quake. She wonders if her attempt at being romantic has really been that pitiful, cursing her lack of finesse. She’d acted like a grub, not someone who’s already had two hatemates. Maybe that grubfucking, cagey, asshole has her pinned right...  
The rumbling is abruptly replaced by the bone chilling sound of eight enormous legs starting to twitch and move scratching the sheer cliff outside to reach the top of the ravine. Cursing under her breath, Vriska gets up, stumbling for the door in her haste she steps on the tiny dice and other sharp objects littering her room. This elicits more muttered growls as she jogs down the long descent to her lusus’s cave. She trips, tumbling down the last flight in an undignified tangle of her long skinny limbs and crooked narrow horns. All the while, her caregiver(in the vaguest sense of the word) shakes the ground further with her monstrous accent. Only pausing to recognize the arrival of her charge who appears, bruised, dirty and still slightly damp with sleeping slime. Not to mention filthy from her roll down the stairs, her usually wavy black mane in tangles, and dusty knots. Scrambling to her feet Vriska strides across the large ravine floor never taking her only good eye off her spiders eight coldly expectant ones.  
"GET D8WN HERE ASSHAT!" she intones almost shouting across the wide expanse. But, her lusus will have none of that, in her own threateningly regal manner she puts one claw forward, as if to warn Vriska not to challenge her. Groaning loudly in a display of mock exasperation which, she clumsily uses to hide her fear of the beast. She moves to the wide glistening web belonging to the monster and, tugs on one incredibly fine but impressively strong string. With surprising, even terrifying speed Spidermom rushes to the string. Picking her way through the sea of blanched, rotting and drained corpses marking the vast ghostly web. Dragging a fresh body, with remarkable strength, across the clearing and flinging it into the web with a practiced motion Vriska addresses the large spider.  
"There you go fat8ss don’t I 8ring home the m8therfucking 8acon? I’ll get you an8ther one tonight, just, don’t kill our neigh8ors? that’s kinda my jo8." The last part is supposed to sound jaunty but, even to Vriska, it sounds pleading. She turns her back abruptly, hurring jerkily back the way she came, posture bent, hands in her pockets, fangs pestering the obviously well chewed dark blue patch on her bottom lip.

A few hours later she’s standing in her respiteblock feeling pleased with herself and awaiting the night's adventures. She stands in the middle of the room a pair of too big red boots drowning her lanky knees in scarlet rubber. A maroon piece of cloth tied sloppily around her waste, her shoulders draped in an overlarge pir8 coat. Which, enunciates the skinniness of her frame making her look ghostly, her figure all elbows and points. Lastly, visible beneath a rolled up sleeve her cold, metal arm with its sinister, glinting hook. She begins to move around the room waiting for the fat purple grub to start oozing its prize. She examines the other flarp equipment, at ease, like a captain surveying her ship for the smallest flaws. Her movements could be mistaken as careless to the unattentive eye but, to most she looks practiced and careful. Not only is this her chance to prove herself as ruthless and successful as her ancestor but, it’s also her job and livelihood. Though the demise of many, these, little conquests only serve to prepare her for greater feats which, she will in time recognize as her calling. For now however she stands, as strange mixture of a child and a dangerous adult. She starts as the grub begins to lay, the excitement of the coming encounter growing as she stands up straight. Now the flarp screen fills her face with a chilly purple glow. The logo spins, her eye grows wider and an alarming grin spreads smoothly across her gaunt, haunting face to reveal her ghastly white fangs.  
She forgets about her failings.  
She forgets about her looming future.  
For now this is her calling.


	3. Adorabloodthirsty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat gives advice to a friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh I'll be surprised if anyone reads this far but to those who did: thanks, it means a lot. This chapter was a pretty emotionally rough one when I wrote it and a lot of what Kanaya's saying is a direct reference to my feelings about a former friend-crush. Speaking of Kanaya, her quirk's a huge pain in the ass so if anyone knows an easier way of doing things please tell me.

The sun has just begun to shine far away from the seemingly boundless desert, in a large sprawling nameless city full of dread and hostilities. Where looming hives cast shadows aplenty across the poorly lit and treacherous pathways. large shapes and strange beasts lurk in every alley and even the humanoid inhabitants are none too friendly. Haunting the various venues which dot the city and always on the lookout for an unlikely alliance or a knife in the back. Though these lowbloods are more open and trusting than their highblooded counterparts they’ve learned, like any other troll, that death is everywhere. Now however, the shops are long since closed for the coming day. The shady pedestrians tucked into their recuperacoons, to shield themselves from the daily parade of the deadly sun, whose lovely fanfare has only begun to appear on the horizon. The city is quiet, eerily so, the strange twisted buildings lie in a heavy vigil. There is hardly a light to be seen in any window and every blind is pulled tightly shut. We focus now on the edge of this city, at the very rim of its wide shadowy skirts. We observe a hive set back from the others and noticeably lit with an inner shimmering glow. A young troll, short for his age, sits hunched over in front of a large screen eyes fixed, huge and unwavering, on the scene which plays out before him. He whispers the words as each character speaks them, his awe not diminished, but strengthened with each recounting. His clutch tightens on the blanket he’s wrapped in as the climax begins, the perfect courtship in short. The most beautiful matrimony, which is, predictably taken from the culture of a small blue planet light years away. Suddenly the spell is broken, a laptop beeps and the innocent expression transforms into a practiced long worn expression of annoyance and dislike. It wraps not only his face, but his body in a protective shell of sorts. He is like many of his kind in this way, protecting their vulnerability with heavy masks of pretense so as to shield the easily given trustful nature of the troll inside. His shoulders hunch, his features scrunch up, his whole body tenses in constant preparation, wariness for a blow that will not come. Not yet. A friend is messaging him, probably to discuss some sort of late day drama which tends to occur. Reluctantly, he reaches for the offending computer giving it an accusatory look that could make milk feel guilty. Another beep is heard as he opens the new client and examines the distraction, carelessly pausing the film before him with a heavy sigh. When he recognizes the small green icon however his face visibly relaxes, though only slightly, his posture unwinds and he begins to type.

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling carcinoGenetesist [CG]  


GA:Hey  
GA: While I Hate To Bother You So Late, I Need To Speak With You Regarding,  
GA: Personal Matters  
GA: I Hope I’m Not Interrupting Anything  
CG: I WAS ABOUT TO HIT THE SLIME BUT IF YOU NEED MY IMPRESSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF EVERY FORM OF ROMANCE KNOWN TO OUR KIND THEN I GUESS I’M GAME  
CG: I MEAN IT’S NOT LIKE ANY OF THESE OTHER ASSHOLES EVER GET THEIR HEADS OUT OF THEIR NOOKS LONG ENOUGH TO ASK THE QUADRANT MASTER FOR HIS REALLY FUCKING BOUNDLESS PROWESS OF THE FINE ART WE CALL AMOUR  
CG:SO LAY IT ON ME  
GA: Alright  
GA: Please Regard What I Am About To Divulge With A Shard Of Flavoring Brine  
GA: That Said, I Have Been Having A Lot Of Problems With A Certain Red Romantic Endeavor  
GA: I Should Also Note That I Would Appreciate It If You Do Not Attempt To Sleuth The Nature Of This Endeavor Because It’s A Complicated Matter  
CG: NOTED BUT I CAN’T MAKE ANY PROMISES, MY ROMANTIC GUMSHOE SKILLS ARE NOT A FORCE I CAN EVEN REALLY FUCKING CONTROL  
CG: I CAN’T TURN THIS SHIT OFF  
CG: IT’S LIKE A ONE OF THOSE CHEWING RUBBER CONTAINERS, BUT THE TURNING DEALY IS BROKEN AND THE CONTAINING SPHERE IS CRACKED GUMBALLS ARE EVERYWHERE, BUT INSTEAD OF TAFFY CAPSULES THEY’RE PEARLS OF PURE ATTACHMENT WISDOM.  
GA: Um, That Definitely Isn't As Comforting Or Adorable As You Think  
GA: The Status Of My Current Predicament Is As Follows  
GA: The Troll With Whom I’m Currently Captivated Has Been Acting Rather Hostile Toward Me Recently And, It, Aside From Being Generally Unpleasant Gives Me The Distinct Notion That They Are  
GA: Reacting Calligonously With My Friendly Demeanor  
GA: This Isn't entirely Confirmed However And It Might Have Something To Do With Their General Disposition  
CG: AH, A TALE AS OLD AS TIME, YOU PITY SOMEONE WHO HATES YOU IN RETURN THIS COULD MAKE A REALLY GREAT PLOT FOR A ROM COM  
CG: WELL I GUESS IT KIND OF ALREADY HAS MADE A GREAT ROMCOM,  
CG: WELL MORE THAN ONE. MORE LIKE, ALMOST ALL OF THEM. FOR EXAMPLE, THE ONE I WAS JUST WATCHING. WELL, RE WATCHING, WELL MORE LIKE RE RE RE WATCHING  
GA: You're Getting A Tad Off Topic  
GA: Belive It Or Not, Your Endless Chatter About Comedies Which I Don't Entirely Understand Can Get A Tad Tiresome  
CG: OH SHIT, I JUST REALIZED YOU’VE BEEN TALKING TO HER AGAIN HAVEN'T YOU  
CG: LOOK KANAYA AS MUCH AS I RESPECT YOUR ABILITY TO CHOOSE WHO YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WITH, THAT BITCH IS A RIPE PIECE OF LUSUS FECULENCE AND YOU DESERVE BETTER  
CG:I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU EVEN BOTHER WITH THAT-  
GA:I Know, Trust Me I Find Her Every Bit As Impossible To Deal With As You Do But Someone Has To Take Care Of Her  
GA: I Mean, I Believe That I Have An Important Role As Her Keeper Of Sorts And I Feel That I Am The Only One Capable, Seeing As She Can Be Somewhat Savage If-

His fingers fly over the type panel before he even registers that he’s cutting her off, realization hits him like a dross coffer to the face,(which is to say as painful as it is unpleasant). Vriska’s cruel, even by troll standards she has no moral code to speak of. The way she feeds her lusus makes his naturally warm blood run colder than the frozen rain of 2nd winter. His scowl deepens, the sharp contrast of the computers light and his gray skin make him appear as if he’s been carved out of stone, not unlike the trolls from popular earth fairy tales. Behind the shadowy eyes a battle rages, should he support Kanaya or warn her? Insult her but, protect her? Or, remain on good terms but allow her to fall victim? His gentle compassion for Kanaya’s plight fills him for a moment. After all, he himself can’t deny that he is in a situation romantically similar to hers. The next words are the carefully selected victors, drenched in the blood of misgivings but still making their purpose known.

CG: OH SHIT  
CG: FUCK, LOOK, I KNOW I SAID I WOULDN'T TRY TO GO TROLL SHERLOCK HOLMES ALL OVER YOUR HOPELESSLY SCREWED RELAXATION EXTREMITY BUT THIS IS SUPER FUCKING OBVIOUS WITH YOU BEING DISINGENUOUS-  
GA: Stop  
CG: SORRY, I MEAN I KINDA HAD A FEELING...WOW  
GA: I Know  
CG: BUT DIDN’T SHE AND ERIDAN JUST BREAK UP  
GA: Yes But She Mentioned That She Had Been Disinterested For Some Time  
CG: FUCK I MEAN I KNOW THAT SHE'S LIKE SOME SORT OF BLACKROM PIMP BUT THAT WAS WAY FAST EVEN FOR HER. I MEAN YOU'D THINK SHE WOULDN'T EVEN BE ABLE TO GET A HATEMATE WITH THE HER ATTITUDE, I MEAN THAT WHOLE MAKING PEOPLE SUFFER FOR THEIR OWN GOOD BIT SHE HAS? HOW CAN SHE DO THAT TO EVERYONE AND STILL HAVE A BLACKBUDDY?  
CG: ANYWAY, THE BEST ADVICE I HAVE FOR YOU IS TO STAY AWAY FROM HER. I MEAN HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT SHE DID TO TAVROS? AND MAYBE IT’S JUST MY HIGHLY ATTUNED ROMANCE RADAR BUT I’M PRETTY SURE THAT IN HER OWN TWISTED WAY, SHE HAD A THING FOR HIM  
CG: SHE’S CRAZY, I MEAN MOST TROLLS ARE I GUESS BUT SHE IS SERIOUSLY MESSED UP  
GA: I Am Aware Of The Implications Of Pursuing A Romance With Her.  
GA: After All I Know Her Better Than Anyone, Or At Least I Would Like To Think That I Do.  
GA: It's Just, She Can Be Nice. I Know A Lot Of People Wouldn't Expect It Of Her Because She Puts Up A Wall To Keep Other People Out And Fortify Herself  
GA: It’s So Unexpected When It Happens, But, Coming From Her It’s More Gratifying That Way  
GA: I Know That She Has To Feed Her Lusus But, Even Her Caste Can't Keep Killing Like That, Not Without Consequence  
GA: I’m Not Saying She's Not Petty and Whiny And Self Obsessed And Manipulative And Cruel  
GA: But I Believe The Most Remarkable Thing About Her Is That She Is Kind Despite That  
GA: You Just Have To Get To Know Her  
CG: OH FUCK, THIS IS WORSE THAN I THOUGHT, I MEAN DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT KIND OF SHITSWAMP YOU JUST LANDED YOURSELF IN?  
CG: JUST. WOW- OKAY IF YOU'RE REALLY DESPERATE TO WADE THROUGH THIS ENORMOUS DUNGHEAP  
GA:I Suppose So  
CG: THEN I GUESS WE’D BETTER GET STARTED  
GA: Oh Dear, This Isn't Going To Be One Of Your Infamous Tirades Is It?  
GA:Is There Any Way I Might Prevent Such An Avalanche Of Wisdom?  
CG:TOO LATE  
CG: THE WAY I SEE IT IS THIS, YOU ALWAYS TRY TO SEE THE BEST IN PEOPLE AND, FULFILL YOUR DUTY TO THE COSMOS BY TAKING IT UPON YOURSELF TO FIX HER AND HER RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS EVEN THOUGH NOBODY ASKED YOU TO. THAT’S WHY EVERYONE THINKS YOUR MOIRAILS.  
CG: YOU HAVE AN IMBALANCE OF PITY IN YOU THAT EVERYONE ELSE SEES AS THE WATERED DOWN VERSION WHICH, INDICATES MOIRALLEGIANCE.  
CG: NOBODY ELSE SEES HOW STRONG THAT PITY REALLY IS AND YOUR DESIRE TO KEEP EVERYTHING IN BALANCE THROWS THEM OFF.  
CG:THAT, COMBINED WITH YOUR FONDNESS FOR ASHEN ROM STORIES, CAUSES OTHERS TO PERCEIVE YOU AS A TROLL WHO MIGHT PURSUE A BALANCE DEPENDENT QUADRANT.  
CG: IN HER CASE SHE’S ALWAYS KIND OF DEALT WITH THINGS HERSELF, SO YOUR LUSUS-LIKE ATTITUDE MIGHT HAVE TRIGGERED SOME SORT OF RETALIATION IN HER WHICH MANIFESTS ITSELF AS ANGER.  
CG: I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT HER HAVING MORE PITY IN HER THAN MOST PEOPLE EXPECT BUT, YOU’RE BEING WAY OVERCONFIDENT IN YOUR ABILITIES TO CONTROL HER. THAT UNDERSTANDABLY COMES FROM YOUR LONG MUTUAL HISTORY.  
CG: I GET THAT YOU THINK YOU KNOW THE EXTENT OF HER CAPRICIOUS TENDENCIES BUT, DON’T GET A BIG HEAD, SHE’S AN UNPREDICTABLE MOTHERFUCKER.  
GA: Thank You, I Will Try To Keep My Swollen Cognisance Cradle In Check.  
CG: HAPPY TO HELP.  
GA: That Said You’d Best Get Some Sleep  
CG: KANAYA?  
GA: What?  
CG: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.  
GA: Will Do, May The Terror Fantasies Pass Over You.  
CG: BYE  


carcinoGenetesist [CG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  


Slowly, he rouses himself, like a sleeper waking from a dream bittersweet and troublesome. The expression which dances across his childlike features is calculating, his brow furrowed, his lower lip protruding slightly. His courtesy(in a sense of the word applying only to him) in the chat overstepped his true sentiment which is far grimmer than he wishes to convey. The very thought of the two of their romance makes all of his attuned senses rebel and he’s certain that the very thought is causing the lump in his digestion tunnel. He can’t help but consider how long Kanaya has coexisted with Vriska their unlikely friendship spiraling back long before he and the others had met the two of them. They are always a constant, at an equilibrium which is as impenetrable as it is unwavering, or at least it seems that way. Rubbing his temples and closing the husktop, he winces and moves slowly toward the shadowy embrace of his ‘coon. The throbbing recollections residing in his aching his thought sphere flee, as the tug of sleep overtakes him. He’s thrown, as always, into troubled, anxious dreams.


	4. Auxiliatrix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya wrangles some hedges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a shorter expository chapter this time around. Not my best work I'll be honest but I needed to kick the plot into gear someway or another.

The needle winds its way through cloth like a serpent the thread following obediently, coiling here, stretching there, the task mesmerizing. Her thoughts which had been in turmoil are automatically calmed by methodical work soothing her entire being. How long she’s been stitching by hand she can't recall, stopping every so often to straighten a seam or snip a thread. When she finally emerges from the fog she’s overwhelmed by her victory. After weeks of meticulous tedious work it’s finished. The dress is one of her many masterpieces and, she falters, her personal gift to Vriska. The thought of her crush wearing the garment makes her dimpled cheeks turn mossy, but she shakes the image from her mind, momentarily pruning the thought away. She folds her work, lovingly smoothing her fingers over its edges, taking it over to the box she has prepared and placing it neatly inside. She stops, considering for a moment how the box will come to rest in the mismatched hands of her beloved. Normally she’d use the frog ruins to manipulate the package into its proper place but, in a shocking turn of events, those self same ruins were destroyed weeks ago. She hasn't told the others about the ruined temple or her newly discordant dreams, hopefully it won't be important enough to mention. She considers her only other option, that she deliver it in person. For a the hundredth time the bliss of the thought clouds her rigid sensibilities and her lukewarm cheeks indicate the sway of her thoughts. The moment passes and she realizes that this would mean crossing the treacherous desert. The idea of its hostile inhabitants is enough to make her shiver, even in her sun soaked respiteblock. Despite her status as a formidable midblood she’d have to be shithive maggots not to be terrified of the desert at night. Her wind sack expands wearily as she clambers to her feet, she’ll think about this after she’s seen her lusus fed.

Outside the dim season has just begun and with it a pseudo spring stretches lazily across the desert. Those who are unfamiliar with both deserts and first spring might not notice the difference in temperatures which constitutes such an adjustment. Having lived there all your life makes you attuned to such changes however. She smiles inhaling the temperate breeze which plays across her face. The sun, a glowing scarlet globe still fighting fiery tooth and hungry nail for every small ascent into the sky. She closes her eyes a moment allowing its blinding radiance to wash away her troubled thoughts, if only for a moment. Slowly, it passes her by and, with a dissatisfied frown she notices that many of her finely pruned bushes have also perceived the springlike weather. They've begun to sprout buds in the vain hope that they might escape her watchful eye. Handing out some of her most reproachful glares to the offending topiary she strides purposefully across her lush lawn ring in search of her benevolent guardian. concerned thoughts following like a swarm of bothersome midges, impossible to avoid.  
Hours and several plant induced bruises later she has made up her mind, there's nothing like a little hedge wrangling to arrange one's nastier thoughts. Rubbing the sandy dirt from her palms she wipes her beaded brow. It has taken her hours of spine splitting labor to come up with her scheme and while it’s nowhere near ingenious it now paces nervously on the border of do-able. The plan is risky, she’ll be crazier than a tent full of mirthgambolgants if she goes through with it but, at present, she can't bring herself to give a shit.


	5. Gambligant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vriska hassles an emperess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, confession time. I wrote this chapter just to write Feferi and I wasnt planing on including it because its not all that plot relevant. I promise that the next one will move the plot forward okay?
> 
> \----I'm probably going to replace this chapter after i post the intermission so be on the lookout for that!-----

Vriska sits up in the cold slime chills running down her bony back, the daymare still thundering through her mind. Her stringent policy against weakness slips in a momentary lapse of concentration and she curls in on herself, scrawny limbs folding over her bare chest, the cold metal of her arm chilling her shivering skin. Inside she’s reeling from the dream dream, clammy and familiar. Their faces swim in the soft green of the sopor for a moment longer, lingering like the damp unfamiliar feeling in her bones. She gropes for the sides of her recuperacoon half blind with sleep and recollection. The freezing ground greets her ice cold feet and with uncharacteristic clumsiness she stumbles to the immersion chamber. Moments later the shower’s steady stream nips her skin, it loses the lousy feelings from her pan replacing them with comforting lukewarm irritation. The anger and vexation spreads filling her with willful indignation, the very substance of which warms her wintry veins. The crisis is averted, her uneasiness disappears and with it goes every speck of uncertainty. With a quick definitive snap the water’s turned off. Her dripping locks are brushed into submission in minutes as her quickening temper solidifies. By the time she’s dressed and her arm oiled she’s more than ready to swindle a sucker. Luckily she makes sure to always have a chump on standby and tonight she's going to snag a seahag. Her fingers dance across the keys as spirited as pupa pan and despite herself it’s all she can do to bite back a grin.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]  


AG: Hey empress to 8eeeeeeee  
AG: We need to talk  
CC: Gluuub Vriska I’m running LAT----E!  
CC: As much as I’d LOV---E to stay and c) (at I told Eridan I’d meet ) (im!  
CC: Cant it wait?  
AG: no way! Your not getting off the hook that easy!  
CC: ) (EE ) (EE 38)  
AG: What?  
CC: To be ) (onest I was aboat to leave anemonyway but t) (en you made t) (at GR----EAT PUN!  
CC: So you got me ) (ook line and SINK---ER! 38D  
AG: Allllllll right weirdo  
AG: Listen, I need a favor  
CC: ) (A!  
AG: Shut up.  
AG: I need you to get Eridan off my 8ack.  
AG: I was really hoping it wouldn't come to this, 8ut the guy’s so over8earing!  
AG: 8esides he is your moirail and not that it's any of my 8usiness 8ut you need to learn to keep him in line.  
CC: W) (at makes you t) (ink I’ll bite? I don’t even LIK---E YOU!  
CC: And you’re right. It IS none of your conc) (cern, ) (e’s my morayw) (ale and I’ll decide w) (at’s best for ) (im!  
AG: I figured you’d say that, 8ut think about it Peixes.  
AG: He’s making your life a living hell with all his 8itching and moaning about not 8eing over me. So, if we work together to convince him that there are other fish in the sea, it’ll make things easier for 8oth of us.  
CC: Now I t) (ink you’re just using subtle puns on porpoise to bait me.  
CC: AND IT’S WORKING!!!  
CC: Okay, t) (at’s actually not a bad ID--EA! Eridan ) (AS been a reel pain in the dorsal lately.  
CC: But I reely gotta swim! Sea you LAT--ER!  
AG: 8ye ::::)  


cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]  


Vriska sits back, the grin settling itself on her angular face, gloating in her easy deception. She searches for a celebratory 8 ball, reveling in her good fortune and wit, unaware all the time that the stars laugh at her from their high up places. If only she could hear them over the sound of plastic shattering, but, they stopped speaking to her a long time ago. something to do with a bad break.


	6. Threshacutioner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat settles in for a long, frustrating night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to buckle in kids, 'cause the next few chapters are a series of long dense worddumps brimming with my blood sweat and tears. Seriously though, I'll be suprised if a single person of the aprox 180 who have glanced at this makes it through this chapter. @ That person: you have my sincere condolences, You are now one of the many who's time I have wasted.
> 
> P.s: Thanks to the people who left comments and kudos!  
>   
> P.p.s: I think it must be pretty obvious by now that I love writing Karkat, so get ready to see a lot more of that kind of self indugence.  
> 

Night has just fallen over a secluded hive cluster and outside a sleepy sort of silence fills the recently chilled air. Without warning commotion stirs. Clangs and the occasional shout filling the space where quiet used to reign. The source is easily traceable, an unremarkable hive toward the cluster's outskirts. Though in any other residential zone this kind of insurrection so early might provoke distress or even outrage, here not so much a grumble is uttered. The adjacent inhabitants are far too used to this kind of disturbance to deign to respond. Instead, the light from within the residence makes a shadow play on the well kempt vegetation. A fight flickers in its wreaths, two figures, one small in stature the other monstrous in proportion and yet...there is an unnerving similarity in their stance. They batter the air with their swift, unskilled motions their breath pounding in perturbing unison. The small one steps out onto a precipice, his curly hair sticking to his forehead with sweat and slime, his undeveloped chest heaving with effort. His boxers, with little crustaceans dancing brightly across their gray soggy surface, cling to his stick like legs. above his head with shaking hands he wields a brightly colored sickle, in defiant contrast with the unmarked gray of his surroundings. With shocking speed he dives forward, narrowly dodging a huge white claw, and re enters his hive. A few crashing noises and some muttered curses are followed by a well deserved peace, the neighborhood is still once more.  
Moments later Karkat sits in front of his husktop, he and his room in mirrored states of disheveled dignity. His countenance turning from unmarred boredom to unabridged interest as he gets a message from this expressions exalted sole recipient.  


grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling carcinoGenetesist [CG]  


GA: I Require Your Assistance With A Certain... Project  
CG:WHAT DO YOU NEED?  
GA: Well, I Was Hoping That I Might Be So Bold As To Impose Upon Your Hospitality For The Span Of A Few Hours  
CG: AND CAN I ASK WHY IN THE NAME OF THE EVERLOVING MOTHERGRUB’S EGG LAYING SATCHEL YOU WOULD WANT TO LEAVE THE DESERT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR SHORT EXISTENCE TO GO ON A EXPEDITION TO MY SHITSHACK?  
GA: Has It Ever Occurred To You That I Might Be Curious As To The World Outside My Lawnring?  
GA:I’ve Never Met Another Troll And I Would Dearly Love To Explore The Culture Which I Am Unable To Take Part In  
CG: WOULD YOU ALSO DEARLY LOVE TO FIND YOURSELF MUGGED IN A DIRTY ALLEYWAY?  
CG: BECAUSE THATS WHAT YOURE ASKING FOR COMING TO THE LOWBLOOD PART OF TOWN  
CG: SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU EVER BEEN REMOTELY INTERESTED IN THE REST OF OUR SPECIES ANYWAY?  
GA: Since Now  
CG: THATS BULLSHIT AND WE BOTH KNOW IT  
CG: FRANKLY I THOUGHT YOU WERE ABOVE TRYING TO PULL THE WOOL BEAST FUR OVER MY EYES LIKE THAT  
CG: ANY IDIOT COULD TELL YOUR HIDING SOMETHING SO BEFORE YOU MAKE ANY MORE REQUESTS JUST TELL ME  
CG: IS THIS SOMETHING THAT COULD GET US BOTH KILLED?  
GA: Not If All Goes According To Plan, I Assure You  
GA: I’d Never Do Anything To Endanger You  
GA: No, If One Of Us Is Going Down With This Manipulation It Wont Be You.  
CG WOW COLOR ME EXTREMELY FUCKING REASSURED, WHEW THATS A LOAD OFF MY VERTEBRAL COLUMN  
CG: FOR A SECOND THERE I THOUGHT YOU WERE TRYING TO CONVINCE ME TO GO ON SOME CRAZY SUICIDE MISSION  
CG: THANK FUCK YOU'RE ONLY DOING IT BY YOURSELF  
GA: Listen I Understand Your Concern But, If You Allow Me To Explain Myself I Can Clarify Before You Throw One Of Your Shitfits  
CG: YOU KNOW IF YOU WERE ANY OTHER DIPSHIT I’D HAVE CUT YOU OFF ALREADY AND WOULD BE PREPARING MY ASSCANONS FOR A FULL ON SECOND COMING OF BLATHER RUMPUS.  
CG: BUT YOU'RE NOT SO THIS HAD BETTER BE FUCKING BRILLIANT  
GA: Color Me Fully Briefed On My Precarious Situation  
GA: The Truth Is Karkat, Im Lonely.  
GA: And Before You Start Up Again Allow Me To Shed Some Light On The Matter  
GA: The Desert Is My Home. The Empty Swaths Of Sand My Earliest Memories And The Brilliant Red Curtains Of Light My Comfort.  
GA: When I Was A Wiggler I Loved It Here  
GA: Among The Dunes No Harm Could Come To Me, No Restrictions, No Yardshafts, No Silly Social Constructs To Abide, Out Here I Was Free.  
GA: -But It’s Been Sweeps Since I Last Felt Truly Free  
GA: Now Each Mound Looks More And More Like The Walls Of A Prison.  
GA: Then I Had No Ties To Your World, It Was As Strange As It Was Irrelevant.  
GA: Now I Have Everything From Hate Friends To Bother Buddies And Even A Comfort Compatriot.  
GA: And  
GA: I Would Be Distraught If Anything Were To Happen To You.  
CG: WOW MARYAM I DIDNT HAVE YOU PEGGED AS THE SAPPY TYPE  
GA: Shut Up  
GA: My Point Is That If You Die One Day All I’ll Be Left With Is Radio Silence, No Memories, And No Way Of Knowing If You Were Really Out There.  
CG: FUCK  
CG: I’VE BEEN A SUPREME DOUCHE HUH?  
CG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I ALWAYS JUST ASSUMED YOU WERE FINE OUT THERE ON YOUR OWN  
CG: I EVEN THOUGHT YOU WERE HAPPIER THAN THE REST OF US WITHOUT THE STABBING AND THE FEAR AND THE GRUB FISTED MOTHERFUCKERS GETTING ON YOUR BULGE EVERY HALF A SECOND TO HASSLE YOU ABOUT SOME ASININE BULLSHIT  
CG: IM GOING TO SOUND LIKE I HAVE A STICK SO FAR UP MY SHITCHUTE I CAN TASTE IT BUT, TO BE HONEST  
CG: I ENVIED YOU, I ALWAYS THOUGHT THE DESERT WAS PEACEFUL  
CG: IM SORRY ABOUT EARLIER  
CG: I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU'D BE TOO TIGHT ASSED TO SAY ANYTHING  
GA: My Alleviation Loaf Is Fine The Way It Is Thanks.  
GA: To Be Honest I Hardly Noticed Myself Until Just Now So You Can Stop Prostrating Yourself.  
CG: I WASN'T PROSTRATING  
GA: Right  
GA: So can I Stay At Your Hive?  
CG: YEAH SURE  
CG: CAN I JUST ASK HOW YOU'RE GOING TO MANAGE TO GET HERE ALL IN ONE PAN ADDLED PIECE?  
GA: I’ll Take Care Of It  
CG: HOW?  
GA: Look, I Don't Want To Put You In Any More Danger And If Someone Gets Me I’d Rather You Not Be Involved.  
CG: PLEASE TELL ME IT WON’T COME TO THAT  
GA: I’m Sorry-  
CG: I KNOW, I KNOW YOU CAN’T  
CG: LOOKS LIKE I’VE GOT SOME PREP WORK TO DO  
CG: TALK TO YOU LATER?  
GA: Oh Karkat?  
GA: Dont Be Too Hard On Yourself, I Know You Take Pride In Knowing Things Others Don't But Some Things  
GA: Are Unknowable  
CG: WOW MORE CRYPTIC BULLSHIT.  
CG: NO ONE SAW THAT COMING.  
CG: I’M DOING YOU A FAVOR, OKAY? SO I’D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU'D CUT THAT OUT  
GA: We Both Know That Realistically Speaking I'm Incapable Of “Cutting That Out” So I Will Once Again Employ My Classic Pause Glyphs  
GA: ...  
CG: OH MY SWEET ACHING BONE BULGE  
CG:YOU UNBELIEVABLE DORK  
GA: Hey-  
CG: SORRY BUT WE BOTH HAVE SHIT TO DO, SEE YOU KANAYA  
GA: Goodnight  


grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling carcinoGenetist [CG]  


Karkat sits back pinching the bridge of his nose in genuine fatigued frustration. Looking around his disheveled block he heaves a slow sigh his shoulders drooping. The slime and meat festooned walls stare back at him expectantly, as if waiting for the eminent cleanup he so dreads. His moirail has high standards among other things. This is already turning out to be a long, frustrating night.


End file.
